Sometimes I'm amazed by the things I ponder on and put to words in my journal. This is one I don't want to forget, that I learned while studying the scriptures:
"Tribulation en esprit" = "suffer...in mind, labor in the spirit" -Alma 17:5
(I usually study the scriptures in French.)
While pondering this phrase, and reading it in context of people doing a really hard but really rewarding thing, I realized that this idea-- suffering and laboring in our minds and spirits-- is a good thing. When you really put your mind to thinking and growing and learning and expanding, this leads to a much greater you. I think some of what I've been doing lately is this--this struggle--trying to learn and understand the parts of human physiology, anatomy, functionality, and emotional response that I am faced with on a consistent basis. Battling within my mind and spirit to understand, to find, to define. Trying to find and define my purpose. I guess I think about it more, perhaps, because I know that there are things in my mental and reaction habits that I want to change.
I have worried that I was thinking too hard- worrying too much about things that others seem to just have figured out. But reading this scripture story I decided that this is really what defines us as humans- not just our experiences but how we deal with them in our minds, what we set up as beliefs and values in our very beings. ...and that we do, in fact, set them up.
It is similar to schooling only in the fact that you use your brain. This is the schooling of life-- that you can't learn in a classroom. Things that have to be figured out individually, like a woman redefining who she is after having a baby, like a man deciding to take on the role of provider, knowing it is a 30+ year commitment. It seems so simple for some people. But these are big decisions, big changes, scary. And they are way different from those big decisions of choosing a university, a career, which internship to take, etc...