Thursday, February 16, 2012

My Peculiarities

It took a while of growing up to:
1. realize these peculiarities, and
2. to realize they are peculiar.

People can't see me if I don't look at them.
Pretty funny to think about now, but it was really true! I'm sure it grew out of my poor eyesight. I got contacts in 5th grade, and so from then on whenever I wasn't wearing them the world was fuzzy. Facial features and especially the eyes were out of focus, so never looking right at me.
I also have a hunch that this grew out of the adult-towards-children culture. I don't think adults acknowledged my presence very often as a kid- especially when I was with my mom on her errands. So I was just invisible. I came to expect it from the adult world. For that reason I try to always acknowledge the presence of children when I say hi to their parents.

Responsive Lying.
Have you ever...? Yes.
Even if I had never heard of that movie, that song, that city, that person... my answer seemed always to be "Yes." I really can't put my finger on why, but I have a few ideas. The happiest one is that I lived through the books I read. I HAD ridden a horse, climbed far-away mountains, been to a dance, won a medal, ect. Those experiences were all a part of my psyche, even if I hadn't lived them in the physical world. Another reason I think contributed to this 'peculiarity,' has to do with the pressures I felt of needing to have the right answer in order to please the asker, or to make them take the spotlight off me and continue on with their story, sort of ignoring me. At home sometimes, if I didn't have the right answer, or the answer that my parent thought was right, then I'd get in trouble. The pressure of having the right answer did not just come from peers and wanting to be cool, though I thought maybe that was it when I was a teen. No, I think there were more somber roots to that one, unfortunately. Honesty wasn't always as important as self-preservation. That is unfortunate. I hope to make people feel confident in honesty, especially children. Being confidently honest is still something I struggle with at times, especially when a question pops out of nowhere. But it is a freeing principle, to be honest.

Understanding the supernatural through Books.
Maybe that isn't so weird to some people. It is possible to live in completely different worlds- worlds that arguably don't exist. But to me, they exist. I feel like the fairytales I read helped me to grasp and accept an un-seeable God and a world that doesn't exist to the naked eye.  But one that exists in great detail, to me.

I'm sure I have many other peculiarities... but that's all for now!

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